Everybody has reached a point at least once in their lives when they’ve felt like someone has crossed the line. Oftentimes, when a line is crossed it makes the relationship between you and that person seem strained, and even tense. To avoid problems, boundaries should be set in relationships. When boundaries are set up in relationships, whether it be romantic or platonic, it is done to create a safe space for both parties.

Boundaries set between you and your counterpart to let each other know what is and isn’t okay. These boundaries state if one is or is not okay with being touched, or what should and should not be discussed.

When boundaries are set and broken, it can lead to a positive or negative outcome. A positive outcome would be that your counterpart may be okay with whatever boundary you broke and now you two may be more comfortable with one another. A negative outcome would be that since the boundary was crossed, that person may not be comfortable or trust you any longer.

Not all boundaries set by one person are the same when it comes to their counterparts.  For example, boundaries you set with your best friend may be different from the boundary that you set with your teacher. When it comes to your best friend, she can talk to you about crushes, life, hardships, school, other friends, and anything else you two are comfortable with. When it comes to teachers, topics you may talk about with your best friend may not feel comfortable if you were talking to your teacher about them.

Though setting boundaries may seem difficult for some (people pleasers like me, for example), they are needed to set a foundation for a healthy relationship.

The key to setting boundaries is knowing what you, as an individual, are comfortable and not comfortable with. Sometimes, you know what you’re comfortable with, but sometimes you don’t. So, the best thing to do would be to test some of your own limits and see for yourself what you’re comfortable with.

Another thing you can do to set successful boundaries is to be assertive with your counterpart. When you are assertive, you advocate for yourself and become proactive when letting others know what you are not okay with. Being assertive is important because its lets your counterpart know that you are serious without being aggressive.

When you’ve set your boundaries, you may feel badly or feel like you’re distancing yourself from others. It’s important that you don’t let anyone make you feel guilty. Remember that you set them to make you feel and secure in your relationship. If your counterpart chooses to not respect you or your boundaries, then understand that you don’t need that person in your life. Never feel sorry for doing what is best for you and your well being.