October is anti-bully month.

They say that middle school is where bullying normally takes place. I have to say that I completely agree with that, mostly because I was bullied in middle school.

Getting bullied is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. It made me feel like I was nothing; irrelevant to life, unneeded, and hopeless. It made me feel depressed. It even caused my severe social anxiety, something that three years later, I still have to live with.

I’ve dealt with the whole cliche of bullying: name calling, public humiliation, getting pushed into lockers, tripped in the hallway, everything. I even got paper thrown at me in class. Nothing hurt more than the verbal abuse though. I remember being in seventh grade and just wanting it all to end.

I can’t explain how it feels to be bullied to the point of wanting to take your own life. The best I can do is say that the world felt empty. Food didn’t taste like anything, sleep never felt enough, you start to see past people, as if they were objects.  You feel exhausted, physically and mentally exhausted. You forget how to walk looking straight ahead. You’re trying to hold it all together, knowing at any moment you could just fall apart.

But the feeling of wanting to die is nothing compared to the feeling of wanting to live.

I can’t explain how great it felt to be happy again. Genuinely happy. And that’s what this month is about. It’s about people who have overcome bullying. It’s about what I’ve overcome. It’s about what other people are going to overcome. Things really do get better, I know that because it did for me. All we have to do is stay strong together.

If you or a loved one are suicidal, please call the US suicide prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255.